Guidance, Wisdom and The Mystic Law

 I had a very challenging day today and have to admit that my Buddha nature was not evident.  Work was a mess, my work self esteem was at a low, my personal life seemed out of control and my ability to recognize the Buddha nature in others was definitely not there.

I ended up in a conference room after a meeting with my boss crying for 20 minutes and trying to get my self under control so I could go back to my desk. I was convinced that I needed to quit my job, admit that I am incompetent or try and create a business case on mistreatment.  

The mystic law works in wondrous ways as today was the day for my SGI District meeting.  I walked the 3+ miles from work to the SGI culture center and was running all the various scenarios through my head.  I was the victim.  I was on a mission to point out inferiority.  I was going to change the world and change my karma.  Lots of things running through my head and none of it making any sense.

Once I connected with my SGI family, I blurted out that I need some guidance as I had another situation with my leader and I had no idea how to direct my chanting.  Do I chant for a new job or do I chant to understand what is going on?  Do I chant to understand why my boss finds fault with me or do I chant to define what true happiness at work looks like?  All I knew was that chanting should be purposeful and I had no idea what my purpose was.

I knew I needed to do something meaningful to get some benefit, so I volunteered for a part at the next discussion meeting that I have avoided forever.  My motive was obvious to me and others as I admitted I needed to change my karma, and doing something that spreads Buddhism to others was a good way of doing so.  Therefore I am stepping up which will help me step up in the future too.

The guidance and ideas I had from my SGI family was incredible.  It was all valuable - but not prescriptive.  I could chant for the happiness of my leader. chant to have my Buddha nature connect with her Buddha nature, look at what was the trigger that was bringing out the negative insecurities in me, look at the old scripts that are being played and how I could address them. So many thoughts and so much more.

I came home tonight determined that I would change this karma, that I would define what my ideal life state would look like and that I would be victorious and my true Buddha nature would emerge in all aspects of my life. 

I will be victorious.  I will change my karma and I will share my Buddhahood with others. 

I AM a winner

I have passed my 5 year Buddhist Birthday.........and it is hard to believe that I have been chanting and polishing my personal mirror in front of the Gohonzon for that long. 

In the past I have been a  "wonder 3" girl.  I can do anything for 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months and when it becomes hard or I don't see results, I give up.  That has applied to dieting, exercise, readings, memory exercises, etc.  If it sounds good I will try it and then eventually I settle for status quo and pretend that whatever I was focused on was a blip in time.

For some people (and I know people who have been practicing Nicherin Buddhism for over 40 years), 5 years is still a newbee.  And many days I feel that myself.  I don't know all there is to know about this practice, I am not always confident I am doing things correctly.  I sometimes question my determinations and "asks".  But, I have never questioned if this practice is right for me.

The minute I entered the SGI center in Chicago in July of 2010 I knew I was home.  I had no idea what that meant, but it felt so right.  That was on a Saturday and the next Tuesday I received my own Gohonzon.  It has been a constant in my life ever since.  Sure I have missed days of chanting.  Sure I have hurried through Gonyo to get to the next thing on my agenda. Yes,  I have taken the low road and not the high road in situations.  My Buddha nature was well hidden and the devilish functions had their way. But the acceptance that I have the ability to change me has never left me.

Today, as I reflect again on how far I have come in the past 5 years, I opened the "Faith in Action" book with the wisdom of our SGI President Daisaku Ikeda and this is the passage that I had underlined a while back in my studies.  "The functions of both the devil and the Buddha exist within our lives.  Ultimately our battle is with ourselves.  Essentially everything boils down to a struggle between positive and negative forces." 

The struggle continues for me - even after 5 years.  But the wisdom and courage to be the winner also exits with me.  I can see the progress I have made in fighting those devilish functions.  And with each victory, I can feel the joy and energy that comes to declare, "I am a winner".  I will continue to bring out my Buddha nature and recognize that same nature in others.  I continue to fight to bring this joy and happiness to others. 

Joyfulness and happiness of  others will eventually lead to World Peace - Kosen Rufu.  What a world it would be if we all were advancing happily as winners over ourselves and connecting with the positive forces. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Living creates your life

For many people the notion of living creates your life makes complete sense and is almost like saying water is wet.  I'm not one of those who just happened to understand easily.

For most of my life I wanted to have a life but thought there were things going on that I did not understand. There was more to it than just me. There was a fairy godmother behind the scenes waving her wand. There was a score keeper putting checks in the boxes. There was a gargoyle sitting up high watching all that was going on and giving the eye to things. There was a god interjecting his master plan. Whatever was going on was outside of me and I had to make the best of it.

My Buddhist practice has taught me and shown me that I am creating my life now and in the future. It is not something outside of me; it is me. Through my thoughts words and actions I create my present life and I can make it a positive experience, a negative one or one that just slips in. It is my choice and mine alone.

Once I understood that I was able to see how my past and recent thoughts and actions are being played out in my life. In Buddhism it is a case of cause and effect. Create a cause intentionally or not, you experience the effect. My words, thoughts and actions are creating my life.

The interconnection of every thing is not by the hands of the the fairy godmother, the score keeper, the gargoyle or the god but by my recognition and acceptance that we are the mystic law and the mystic law is us. No separateness.  This is a fundamental concept of Buddhism that brings me back to the beginning and the end.

Living is creating my life and by owning my day to day living I am creating a good future day to day living too. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. 

Fit bit = Buddhism Winning

I attended my district meeting tonight and was so inspired and encouraged.  We talked a lot about winning - what that really means if you are a Buddhist and how it is about never giving up, despite the obstacles that come your way. 

Understanding different Buddhist concepts intellectually is typically not a problem for me.  I get it, I can relate to it and I am "all in" at the moment.  However, going home and getting back into daily life is where I often struggle.  I get the part of not giving up and I get that it won't be easy, but then something comes along and I have to fight my fundamental darkness that takes me to the victim place, that looks at everyone and everything else as the source of my problems and wants to stay there rather than move on.  Moving on is the important part.  It is called human revolution when we can look at ourselves and see what we are doing to create the situation or know that we have an opportunity to overcome our karma created in the past by how we handle today. 

All this brings me to my fit bit that I have been wearing for the past few weeks.  It is such a feeling of satisfaction when it buzzes on my wrist when I have logged my 10K steps.  It feels so good to look at the dashboard and see how I have reached the goal on a consistent basis.  I like seeing the badges that I have received because of some milestone I have reached.  It all is there for me to see when I look at my the wristband or look at the application for the summary.        

When I think about it, my Buddhist practice allows me the same feelings of accomplishment.  I know the daily feeling of being "okay with the world" when I do morning and evening gonyo..  I record my 15 minutes of chanting in my daimoku book and can see the progress I am making towards the million challenge.  I look at the goals I set for the year and know that it is not the day to day that is important but the overall goal and I see the blessings that come into my life as a result and know those are the badges that are signifying my progress.

There are days that I am close to my goal on the fit bit that I just want to jump on the bus and not walk home.  There are days in my practice that I don't want to take the time to chant.  I guess that is part of my challenge to win in this life.  I know that every step I take adds to my daily fit bit goal and I know that everytime I say Nam Myoho Renge Kyo I am getting one step closer to winning in my Buddhist practice. 

While I struggle in my day to day to make the intellectual the reality of my life , there is no question that every step I take is bringing me closer to being a winner.  Some one who does NOT give up despite the challenges that come my way.   The important part of winning is knowing your goals, keeping track, celebrating success and then facing the challenges head on..........

Shining in my own light

As I sat here chanting this morning it became clear to me how much this practice has changed me over the past 5 years. And I struggled with the right word to use as it may not be so much as changed but helped me to allow the real Regina to show. And I am still learning to let her shine in with her own colors of brilliance not those defined by someone else.

I have had small victory after small victory while chanting and trying to share this practice with others. Today as I chanted, like everyday, for the wisdom, courage and determination to create a life of absolute happiness it occurred to me that I am doing exactly that. Every day it can look different but every day I know that i am connected to all things in the universe and that the life and day I have created is the life and I, Regina, have created.

I am shining. Some days like a diamond, some days like petals of lily, some days like rain drop on the patio floor......but, I am always shining. And I am so thankful for knowing that because of this Buddhist practice every day I in complete rhythm and control to let MY brilliance shine through.

Chanting Gets You through the Day

I spent more than 4 hours on the road today driving from Chicago to Michigan.   The traffic was unbelievable, the roadwork going on seemed unplanned and the multiple times that we were travelling at less than 10 miles an hour were too many too count. 

I found myself chanting as I drove and this kept me in a place where I was able to drive along and stay peaceful despite the things going on around me.  Of course there were those events that gave me a moment of angst - and then I could let it go.

I remember when I first started chanting over 5 years.  I had a daily commute to Bensenville that was well over an hour.  As I drove on 90/94 there would be those that would cut in front of you, those that would read the sign that said the lane was closed and still would go down that lane, those that would get in the fast lane and drive so slow that you wanted to nudge them forward.  I used to get so angry and let it affect my mood.  Once I started chanting I was able to separate myself from the drive and be able to realize that people behaved or drove because of what was going on in their heads and it did not need to be what was in mine.

My drive to Michigan today reminded me of the many days and hours that I spent chanting so that I could remain calm and at peace within myself.  I am amazed and blessed on how quickly I can go from getting frustrated and upset to recognizing that if I chant in this 'situation' I will be in a better rhythm with the universe and I will stop putting out the negative thoughts towards those around me and instead send out positive energy to the environment and it will connect with those who are seeking positivity and are in sync with it.

I am so thankful and appreciative of having been introduced to chanting and discovering how ultimately it is part of the Nicherin Buddhism practice.  Chanting is the one thing that does keep me sane and able to project a healthy view of myself and the world around me. 

Nam Myho Renge Kyo

Wisdom is subtle and obvious

I have been chanting for wisdom to know what I need to change in myself to be in harmony with the universe that would ultimately lead me to the happiness I seek for myself and others.  This morning when I looked outside at my patio, I noticed that the two flower boxes that I bought at the same time from the same place and have taken care of in the same way have bloomed and grown differently. 

Not sure why, but I made some wonderful connections to my personal life and situation.  I thought of my sisters who are so different from me but we have the same mother and the same father so share the same genes.  I thought of my own children who have the same genetic makeup and were loved with all the love available; who were instilled the same values and wishes for happiness and yet are so different and unique in their own way. 

What I came to realize was that while we tend to think that how we see things and intend things to be alike, that we have no control over some of the subtleties that really impact the outcomes.  Not everything is in our control and we need to appreciate that fact and the differences that arise from this are part of the intentions of the universe.

As I look at my flower boxes,  one has more flowers and color while the other has the variegated green plant being the predominant view.  Each looks great on its own. 

What wisdom came to me today was that I would not change me, my sisters or my children for anything.  We (all of us) have grown into human beings that are unique and special in our own right.  While I may have thought that someone would grow into this type of person or exhibit this type of quality I could not imagine anyone being someone other than who they are.  Even with the same genes and raised with the same values and expectations, we somehow become our own unique selves.  Some of us have flowers and some have variations of color.  How wonderful.

I am sure that I intrinsically have known this and even have appreciated this.  But looking out on my patio this morning I felt that I had a different understanding and appreciation on the person I have become and a realization that my children have blossomed, as they should and could, into unique individuals while being raised with similar love and values.

My determination is to celebrate our uniqueness and not question why we are so different.  

In Rhythm with the Universe

Sometimes things happen and there is really no explanation on why. You did not put energy towards it. You did not chant for it. But yet it happened. 

For me it was having my name drawn and winning a basket of Aveda products. I recently went to the store to buy something I do on a regular basis and saw there was a charitable event going on. You donate so much and you are entered into the drawing for a product give away. Much to my surprise I won and what was included in the "basket" of products was amazing. Hair and shampoo things I normally buy but also skin cleansing and lotion that I would have passed on. It was a windfall that I least expected. 

I am daily reminded that this pursuit of Vodka Happiness is a reality. Good things happen to me daily that show me how connected I am to the rhythm of the universe. My challenge and focus is to look for those connections and be grateful and appreciative that by chanting I am keeping myself in sync with what I need to grow and realize my inherent Buddha nature. 

My chanting tonight is in gratitude and for wisdom to recognize the times that I am in rhythm even if it isn't obvious to me.