Guidance, Wisdom and The Mystic Law

 I had a very challenging day today and have to admit that my Buddha nature was not evident.  Work was a mess, my work self esteem was at a low, my personal life seemed out of control and my ability to recognize the Buddha nature in others was definitely not there.

I ended up in a conference room after a meeting with my boss crying for 20 minutes and trying to get my self under control so I could go back to my desk. I was convinced that I needed to quit my job, admit that I am incompetent or try and create a business case on mistreatment.  

The mystic law works in wondrous ways as today was the day for my SGI District meeting.  I walked the 3+ miles from work to the SGI culture center and was running all the various scenarios through my head.  I was the victim.  I was on a mission to point out inferiority.  I was going to change the world and change my karma.  Lots of things running through my head and none of it making any sense.

Once I connected with my SGI family, I blurted out that I need some guidance as I had another situation with my leader and I had no idea how to direct my chanting.  Do I chant for a new job or do I chant to understand what is going on?  Do I chant to understand why my boss finds fault with me or do I chant to define what true happiness at work looks like?  All I knew was that chanting should be purposeful and I had no idea what my purpose was.

I knew I needed to do something meaningful to get some benefit, so I volunteered for a part at the next discussion meeting that I have avoided forever.  My motive was obvious to me and others as I admitted I needed to change my karma, and doing something that spreads Buddhism to others was a good way of doing so.  Therefore I am stepping up which will help me step up in the future too.

The guidance and ideas I had from my SGI family was incredible.  It was all valuable - but not prescriptive.  I could chant for the happiness of my leader. chant to have my Buddha nature connect with her Buddha nature, look at what was the trigger that was bringing out the negative insecurities in me, look at the old scripts that are being played and how I could address them. So many thoughts and so much more.

I came home tonight determined that I would change this karma, that I would define what my ideal life state would look like and that I would be victorious and my true Buddha nature would emerge in all aspects of my life. 

I will be victorious.  I will change my karma and I will share my Buddhahood with others.