I have passed my 5 year Buddhist Birthday.........and it is hard to believe that I have been chanting and polishing my personal mirror in front of the Gohonzon for that long.
In the past I have been a "wonder 3" girl. I can do anything for 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months and when it becomes hard or I don't see results, I give up. That has applied to dieting, exercise, readings, memory exercises, etc. If it sounds good I will try it and then eventually I settle for status quo and pretend that whatever I was focused on was a blip in time.
For some people (and I know people who have been practicing Nicherin Buddhism for over 40 years), 5 years is still a newbee. And many days I feel that myself. I don't know all there is to know about this practice, I am not always confident I am doing things correctly. I sometimes question my determinations and "asks". But, I have never questioned if this practice is right for me.
The minute I entered the SGI center in Chicago in July of 2010 I knew I was home. I had no idea what that meant, but it felt so right. That was on a Saturday and the next Tuesday I received my own Gohonzon. It has been a constant in my life ever since. Sure I have missed days of chanting. Sure I have hurried through Gonyo to get to the next thing on my agenda. Yes, I have taken the low road and not the high road in situations. My Buddha nature was well hidden and the devilish functions had their way. But the acceptance that I have the ability to change me has never left me.
Today, as I reflect again on how far I have come in the past 5 years, I opened the "Faith in Action" book with the wisdom of our SGI President Daisaku Ikeda and this is the passage that I had underlined a while back in my studies. "The functions of both the devil and the Buddha exist within our lives. Ultimately our battle is with ourselves. Essentially everything boils down to a struggle between positive and negative forces."
The struggle continues for me - even after 5 years. But the wisdom and courage to be the winner also exits with me. I can see the progress I have made in fighting those devilish functions. And with each victory, I can feel the joy and energy that comes to declare, "I am a winner". I will continue to bring out my Buddha nature and recognize that same nature in others. I continue to fight to bring this joy and happiness to others.
Joyfulness and happiness of others will eventually lead to World Peace - Kosen Rufu. What a world it would be if we all were advancing happily as winners over ourselves and connecting with the positive forces.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
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