Dancing Raindrops and Peaceful Practice

While I was chanting to the Gohonzon this morning, it was after a rain in the city.  The wind was blowing, the sun was trying to come out and drops of rain were falling from the tree that hangs over my patio.  I was struck by how symbolic those raindrops were for me.

At one point I was thinking how the drops are like reminders that sometimes you think the storm is over and then a breeze will bring out more rain.  It reminded me that in the midst of everything in life there is always going to be something that might happen that can cause me to think that the storm is going to continue forever.   Today I saw the drops as signs that there is a bit more work I need to do, or a bit more time I need to be patient, and that I need appreciate the way the each drop glistens when it hits the pavement.  What is happening around me in my life right now is happening for reasons.  Yes, there is rain and just when I think it is over some more drops fall out of the trees.  The opportunity I am being given to appreciate the rain and the sun at the same time is amazing.

My mind also drifted to how beautiful this Nicherin Buddhist practice is because I had the opportunity for some wisdom while chanting.  In the past I tried to meditate and be silent.  And while that brought me peace in the moment, I was not able to translate that peace to other times in my day and life. 

I also realized while chanting that the rain is a necessary part of sustaining the earth and life.  Without it the plants would wither and the lakes and puddles for animals would dry up.  While I am not always a nature girl, a life without green and flowers would be dull.  And that is for our lives too.  If everything was perfect at all times, how could I appreciate the perfection? Even though I am constantly striving and thinking I need to be perfect, if I allowed myself to have joy and wonder for the occasional rain drop that was going to fall with the wind, I may have more inner peace without judging myself.

When I am chanting to my Gohonzon, I may not have peace as each bit of wisdom comes forth from within, but I am at peace when I am done and that peace remains with me.  As the rain has been going on and off for the past hour or so, I am at peace knowing that it will not go on forever.  I am at peace knowing that what I am dealing with right now does not make me imperfect. I know I need to take action to redefine what perfect is.  But, I am at peace and very much in awe of how the raindrops are creating a bit of a 'dance' in the patio puddle and that I can be dancing inside too.  Continuing to have faith, to study and practice is the key to both the dance and the peace.

NamMyohoRengeKyo

Stress Leads to Finding Courage

As I was searching the SGI website for some wisdom and something that connected to me for today, I found an article about stress and the encouragement that my Buddhist practice could help me become a person that handles stress differently so that it doesn't take a complete toll on your emotions, your body and your mind.  The ultimate way to change how you deal with stress is to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and be so focused that you:

• Strengthen your commitment to kosen-rufu.
• Take control and envision your desired outcome.
• Confidently challenge the situation with determination.

As I am dealing with the issues that are causing me stress right now, I am feeling some of the effects on my body and my spirit.  But rather than give into all that negative energy, I am increasing my chanting and taking things one moment at a time.  I am working very hard to not project a distorted outcome and to not look outside myself for blame and fixes.  I am working to remember that everything that I am experiencing today is a result of causes I created in the past. 

This keeps me grounded that any challenge I face is a catalyst for my Human Revolution and that I have everything within me to come out victorious in the end.

Right now I don't exactly know what the end will be or what victory looks like, which is why I need to focus on the second bullet point of 'taking control and envisioning my desired outcome".  In some ways I see two potential outcomes, but if I look deep within my heart I really only desire one. 

So right now I need to find the courage to create the life I want, to speak for myself, to accept the effects of the causes I created and to know that in the end, my Buddhist practice will allow my  Buddha nature to shine through. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo 

Life Happens - Life is Created

Sometimes things happen and you want to spend lots of time trying to figure out why.  My first reaction is to look outside and see what caused it.  My second reaction is to look inside and find fault with something I have done.  And my third reaction is to throw it out to the universe and say 'what will be will be'.

As I reflect on this today after being told that I am not meeting expectations at work, I realize that this is an opportunity to put my Buddhist practice into work.  I need to change my reactions and responses. 

First of all, I realize this is my Karma.  I keep recreating the same situation over and over again in my career.  I get a boss I don't match with, I end up self destructing and then I run away.  While I have known that for sometime, I still need to ask what have I changed inside myself to stop this pattern.  For one, I am no longer quitting a job without a job.  I am chanting to change my attitude, my actions and have acceptance of my current leader.  I am trying to look at what causes I create when I interact with her and change those into positive ones.  I have stopped complaining about her to every one I know and I am trying to honor the Buddhahood within her.  So......that hasn't exactly been successful, but I cannot stop trying.  I think of Nicherin Daishonin's comparison to being on a journey and you get so tired you stop one mile before the ultimate destination and you miss what you set out to see.  I need to continue to change by karma by seeing the Buddha nature of my current and future leaders.

Secondly, I realize that we are connected to all things in the universe and that what we put out there as a cause will happen and how it happens may not be exactly as we imagined.  I have been saying for some time now that I have reached my time.  I no longer want to work, I no longer want to put forth my best, I just want to get by.  I also have been chanting and focusing on a way to be able to support and take care of my 91 year old mother, knowing that my sister who does quite a bit of care will be out of the picture for the next 3 months due to her having surgery.  So,  I can't quit my job as part of my human revolution and yet I have a sense of obligation and desire to be a kind and loving daughter so am not sure what to do.  It is possible that this performance issue will end up in a way that determines my next course of action?

Finally, I do not need to sit and be the victim and assume that I have no influence in the outcome.  I may not have the answers, but I can take action to be sure that I will be in the place that I need to be when it is complete.  I will try and change my performance and meet my leaders expectations.  At the same time I will look for another opportunity that will allow me to be closer to Mom and take care of her.  And while doing both of those things, I need to continue to chant and take responsibility for creating a life of absolute happiness.  It is not just 'tossing out the idea', it is looking within to see what that really looks like and then taking the steps to get there............

Writing my Story

Once upon a time there was a professional woman who thought that she had to do it all.  She needed to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect employee, the perfect colleague and the perfect company representative.  She got so busy being perfect for everyone and everything else that she forgot that there was another person who mattered in the mix. 

This story goes on for quite some time.  This woman would hurry home from work to make supper, do the dishes, put in a load of laundry, put the kids to bed and then fall asleep on the couch and her husband would throw a blanket on her and go off to bed.  This woman would offer to teach orientation, volunteer to speak at a local trade show, do her day job and then and get excited when asked to take on supporting the international group which required travel. 

Isn’t that the way the story is supposed to go?  You keep doing what you think you have to do and what would make you perfect in someone else’s eyes and then wonder what went wrong when the husband no longer covers you, the kids are off doing other things when you get home and work is saying you are not focused and lack direction. 

Lack direction?  You are so busy trying to follow everyone else’s direction that you haven’t got a clue what direction you are really heading.

I am the story…….and while I feel like I am finally creating a happy ending; I did not think it was possible 15 years ago.  My dream of being the perfect everything and failing at it almost did me in.  I wanted to run away to a deserted island and live in a hut with some books and escape from everything.  I wanted to drive my car into a cement wall and become someone who needed care from others.  I wanted to turn back the clock and finish high school, go far away to college, join the Peace Corps and put pressures of mom and sisters lives behind me.           

An end………the story could have an end.  But that is not the way life works and for that I am thankful.  Instead of escaping I started the process of finding out what perfect means to me.  And it was not easy nor am I at the end of the journey. 

For the past 15 years I have probably bought every self-help book published.  I have visited so many churches and temples, monuments and vortexes, healers and psychics that I could give advice to anyone that is searching.  "I did this and you could / should try this too". 

While I enjoyed every moment of the experience and think that the process has been invaluable, I cannot explain or perfect the time I was introduced to Nicherin Buddhism and how it has impacted my life.    Everything I explored, searched for, evaluated for meaning, and tried on for fit came together the minute I entered the Chicago SGI Cultural Center.   

I am finally looking at Regina and deciding what is important to me.  Perfection is no longer at the top of the list.  Recognizing my connection to the larger world has taken a priority.  I am connected to the larger universe and I make a difference.  Imperfections and all……….I matter and I am making a difference one child, one co-worker, one boss, one me at a time. 

Guidance, Wisdom and The Mystic Law

 I had a very challenging day today and have to admit that my Buddha nature was not evident.  Work was a mess, my work self esteem was at a low, my personal life seemed out of control and my ability to recognize the Buddha nature in others was definitely not there.

I ended up in a conference room after a meeting with my boss crying for 20 minutes and trying to get my self under control so I could go back to my desk. I was convinced that I needed to quit my job, admit that I am incompetent or try and create a business case on mistreatment.  

The mystic law works in wondrous ways as today was the day for my SGI District meeting.  I walked the 3+ miles from work to the SGI culture center and was running all the various scenarios through my head.  I was the victim.  I was on a mission to point out inferiority.  I was going to change the world and change my karma.  Lots of things running through my head and none of it making any sense.

Once I connected with my SGI family, I blurted out that I need some guidance as I had another situation with my leader and I had no idea how to direct my chanting.  Do I chant for a new job or do I chant to understand what is going on?  Do I chant to understand why my boss finds fault with me or do I chant to define what true happiness at work looks like?  All I knew was that chanting should be purposeful and I had no idea what my purpose was.

I knew I needed to do something meaningful to get some benefit, so I volunteered for a part at the next discussion meeting that I have avoided forever.  My motive was obvious to me and others as I admitted I needed to change my karma, and doing something that spreads Buddhism to others was a good way of doing so.  Therefore I am stepping up which will help me step up in the future too.

The guidance and ideas I had from my SGI family was incredible.  It was all valuable - but not prescriptive.  I could chant for the happiness of my leader. chant to have my Buddha nature connect with her Buddha nature, look at what was the trigger that was bringing out the negative insecurities in me, look at the old scripts that are being played and how I could address them. So many thoughts and so much more.

I came home tonight determined that I would change this karma, that I would define what my ideal life state would look like and that I would be victorious and my true Buddha nature would emerge in all aspects of my life. 

I will be victorious.  I will change my karma and I will share my Buddhahood with others. 

I AM a winner

I have passed my 5 year Buddhist Birthday.........and it is hard to believe that I have been chanting and polishing my personal mirror in front of the Gohonzon for that long. 

In the past I have been a  "wonder 3" girl.  I can do anything for 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months and when it becomes hard or I don't see results, I give up.  That has applied to dieting, exercise, readings, memory exercises, etc.  If it sounds good I will try it and then eventually I settle for status quo and pretend that whatever I was focused on was a blip in time.

For some people (and I know people who have been practicing Nicherin Buddhism for over 40 years), 5 years is still a newbee.  And many days I feel that myself.  I don't know all there is to know about this practice, I am not always confident I am doing things correctly.  I sometimes question my determinations and "asks".  But, I have never questioned if this practice is right for me.

The minute I entered the SGI center in Chicago in July of 2010 I knew I was home.  I had no idea what that meant, but it felt so right.  That was on a Saturday and the next Tuesday I received my own Gohonzon.  It has been a constant in my life ever since.  Sure I have missed days of chanting.  Sure I have hurried through Gonyo to get to the next thing on my agenda. Yes,  I have taken the low road and not the high road in situations.  My Buddha nature was well hidden and the devilish functions had their way. But the acceptance that I have the ability to change me has never left me.

Today, as I reflect again on how far I have come in the past 5 years, I opened the "Faith in Action" book with the wisdom of our SGI President Daisaku Ikeda and this is the passage that I had underlined a while back in my studies.  "The functions of both the devil and the Buddha exist within our lives.  Ultimately our battle is with ourselves.  Essentially everything boils down to a struggle between positive and negative forces." 

The struggle continues for me - even after 5 years.  But the wisdom and courage to be the winner also exits with me.  I can see the progress I have made in fighting those devilish functions.  And with each victory, I can feel the joy and energy that comes to declare, "I am a winner".  I will continue to bring out my Buddha nature and recognize that same nature in others.  I continue to fight to bring this joy and happiness to others. 

Joyfulness and happiness of  others will eventually lead to World Peace - Kosen Rufu.  What a world it would be if we all were advancing happily as winners over ourselves and connecting with the positive forces. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Living creates your life

For many people the notion of living creates your life makes complete sense and is almost like saying water is wet.  I'm not one of those who just happened to understand easily.

For most of my life I wanted to have a life but thought there were things going on that I did not understand. There was more to it than just me. There was a fairy godmother behind the scenes waving her wand. There was a score keeper putting checks in the boxes. There was a gargoyle sitting up high watching all that was going on and giving the eye to things. There was a god interjecting his master plan. Whatever was going on was outside of me and I had to make the best of it.

My Buddhist practice has taught me and shown me that I am creating my life now and in the future. It is not something outside of me; it is me. Through my thoughts words and actions I create my present life and I can make it a positive experience, a negative one or one that just slips in. It is my choice and mine alone.

Once I understood that I was able to see how my past and recent thoughts and actions are being played out in my life. In Buddhism it is a case of cause and effect. Create a cause intentionally or not, you experience the effect. My words, thoughts and actions are creating my life.

The interconnection of every thing is not by the hands of the the fairy godmother, the score keeper, the gargoyle or the god but by my recognition and acceptance that we are the mystic law and the mystic law is us. No separateness.  This is a fundamental concept of Buddhism that brings me back to the beginning and the end.

Living is creating my life and by owning my day to day living I am creating a good future day to day living too. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.