World Peace - World Solidarity

As I watch the news over the past couple of days regarding the terrorist attacks in Paris,  I continually keep thinking that if everyone embraced Buddhism this would not have happened. 

Buddhism teaches the basic value of every living person and being.  Buddhism teaches that if we make good causes we get good effects.  Buddhism teaches that we are connected to the forces in nature and that we can positively experience that energy.  If everyone accepted the fact that they were responsible for creating their own happiness and could impact the world for the better, this type of horror would not have happened.  Unfortunately, I know that is not true. 

People who have committed these crimes must have done so because they think they are on the side of right.  Isn't that what drives most of us?  I think everyone acts on beliefs that they hold as true and just.  I am NOT advocating these beliefs or people. I do not understand how anyone can honestly think that taking lives or having such a singular view of anything is justified.  I cannot comprehend how someone has allegiance to something that can hurt someone else. ..........what I really am wondering and asking is how do we find ways to influence these beliefs at the core rather than react to them as manifested?

How can a religion be a positive influence across the world and not a polarizing aspect?  I think of how at one time as a young girl I was taught that anyone who was not Catholic would not go to heaven.  I remember being taught that if you were not baptized a person's soul would end up in hell.  I have witnessed someone telling someone Jewish that they needed to convert in order to be 'saved'.  I walked away from a theater discussion recently where they were talking about "them"  as Islam was discussed and someone in the audience made everyone into a generalized group of misguided individuals.

These biases or limited truths are prevalent throughout our world.  I have them, you have them, they exist.  As a Buddhist I work to understand and overcome them.  As a Buddhist I am open to dialogue where we put our misunderstandings on the table and most importantly look at our sameness that connects us. 

Past, present and future needs to come together and we need to understand how to honor and celebrate our oneness.  We need solidarity and shared purpose of having world peace. 

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me..........we must chant for heartfelt change of core beliefs that divide us and pray for recognition and acceptance of core beliefs that join us. 

Practicing As and HOW I Am

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog...........not because I have not had some aha moments, not because I am not experiencing my human revolution, but mostly because I am busy and using this practice in the busy and hecticness of my life. 

I have often thought and knew that while chanting and saying Gonyo I was able to put some calm and order into my life.  In the past few weeks, that calm and order is there, but it is fleeting in a good way.  I am still chanting my 1/2 hour every morning and doing Gonyo.  I and am 88% consistent chanting every evening and doing Gonyo.  However in the past, I have used these moments to quiet me, to put things in a momentary peaceful state and felt that I has achieved what was meant to be.

How wrong and right I am.

Sometimes our life condition allows us to take a respite at different times in the day where we can calmly look at what is going on in our lives.  We can be thankful for the small victories and wins and know that we are moving in a positive direction.  However at other times, (and this is my current life condition) it is not about having a consistent and predictable existence, but about how to enjoy and have peace in all of the chaos and energy that is flowing.

As I am trying to determine what "pre-tirement" is and looks like for me, I have tried to make the most of each day.  I have tried to catch up on things that I intended to do one day and I am trying to enjoy each moment as it comes my way.  As I face each event or situation I am okay with a bit of self examination and determining if I am growing, giving or getting in the process. 

My chanting each morning and night is more centered around what being the best and bringing out my Buddha nature look like.  I know my next step is to determine what I want and take action..........but I am finding that for the moment, living in the action and determining me is a needed step too.

As long as it is a few steps - and it does not become a march or walk without a direction or purpose. 

Obstacles and Devils

As I have been growing and learning over the past years,  have heard many times that when you are on the correct path of this Buddhist practice you may encounter the three obstacles and four Devils. And while I would nod and agree I tended to think I was personally creating my obstacles and was personally my own devil. I knew that my own tendencies often sabotaged me and that if I could only control them I would eliminate them.

I looked at everything negative going on as a test and that with perseverance and self control I would put the bad parts of me behind and then I could be victorious. Get rid of your old habits, your old thinking patterns, your old feelings and find new ones. That is what it means to be a winner.

In the past couple of weeks I am viewing the obstacles and Devils I am facing differently.  What I have been dealing with is part of strengthening my faith not testing it. I don't need to be someone else or do something else. I really need to trust myself and remain confident that I am the person I am intended to be.  What I am realizing is that experiencing  a hardship is what allows me to bring out wisdom, courage and compassion for myself and others.

The easy part for me is the ability to be there for others. The struggle I have had is to be there for me.

After studying the Teachings for Victory by "Sensei", it opened my eyes to the fact that I have been given the opportunity to show my faith and remain true to myself.  This is not a test.....this is life and it is one of absolute happiness that can only be lived by living.

If not now, When.....

I will officially be unemployed on Friday, the 9th.  While I know that part of it is a result of my karmic tendencies to create unhealthy work situations, what I am so happy about is that I took the courage to say enough....

What I am able to do this time is admit that I have contributed to causing this situation and therefore can take responsibility to know that it has reached a place that cannot be fixed.  In the past I would hang in there forever, continue to blame the other person, be the victim and then leave in shame.  This time I know that I am no longer committed to the job, the company and even the city I live in and that needs to change.

Buddhism is part of every day.  It is not just bringing it out when we are in trouble, not just having faith when facing adversity.  Buddhism is about creating a life of absolute happiness.  Too often in the past, I waited for it to come to me.....even though I knew that I was responsible for creating it. 

Having the courage to remove myself from a life that I no longer want is the first step.  It is my time, NOW to define what a healthy and happy life looks like.  It my time NOW to take action to put myself in the right place to have a life condition of happiness.  It is my time NOW, to prove to others that having faith and taking action as part of my Buddhist practice is what will lead me to my happy life. 

I am doing this NOW, and I know that with the Gohonzon I will accomplish my goals and continue in this human revolution. 

Chanting is the Blessing that Helps Being Human

How many opportunities do you need in one day or even two days to demonstrate that you have a Buddha nature inside you that is just waiting to show itself? 

I started out this weekend thinking I was in rhythm with the universe and that I was going to be the model daughter, sister, mother and grandmother.  I have been aware of my past actions, my past thoughts and anticipating my current reality and just knew that I was prepared and in a good place to accept all that came my way..............

NOT....this is the part of our human revolution.  It is not the intellectual part, but the emotional part that I continue to be challenged by.   This weekend I struggled to be the kind and loving daughter I have chanted and thought I came to that place:  I struggled to be the supporting and loving sister I need to be to avoid any drama and estrangement as we deal with mom and her aging; and I struggled to be the loving mom that was all about the kids and not about me........

At the end of the day, my actions did not put a separation between where I want to be and where I am - but my mental angst was constantly in flux. 

I am thankful and so appreciative that there is a quick and easy way to deal with all of the issues.  As I feel myself getting out of sync with the rhythms of the universe I begin chanting and a peacefulness and calm takes over. 

I am ever thankful for this practice and know that it keeps me aware of both my humanism and my potential for Buddhism at the same time.  What a gift and blessing.

NamMyohoRengeKyo.

Heart and Faith Victory over the Mind

As I continue to chant and put my trust in the Gohonzon, I am becoming at peace with the challenges that I am experiencing.  I know intellectually that things happen to help us with our human revolution, to help us change our karma, and to strengthen our faith...........but it is getting to the place that you are not using your mind to evaluate and define what is happening that is when you become at peace. 

I know that I am connected to the positive energies in the universe.  I know that I am a strong and resilient person that always come out of things in the end.  I know that I can choose how to view everything in life - I am the author of my life or the victim of my life.  I can look at the challenges as the 'devilish functions' trying to stop me in my practice or I can see them as opportunities to strengthen my faith and prove the power of chanting to the Gohonzon.

What has been the ultimate challenge for me is to stop my mind from trying to be rationale.........and have my heart and faith take the lead.

When that happens, I know and trust that the challenges I am facing are allowing me to bring out my Buddhahood and share this practice with others.

I am victorious.......the challenges are allowing me to shine and show my faith and strength. 

NamMyohoRengeKyo

Daily Challenges - Not a Win or Lose

“While it is important to win, it’s even more important to remain undefeated no matter what happens.”  Daisaku Ikeda

Everyday I am challenged by something.  It could be as simple as deciding what top to wear that does not make me feel fat to how to take care of Mom and make her feel valued from a distance.  The reality is that each of these decisions and actions do not constitute a win.   I still get to work and look in the mirror and realize the top is not flattering.  I call Mom and realize I cannot fix her TV from Chicago and feel guilty that I am not in Grand Rapids.  I am late for a meeting, I ate too much for dinner, I was too tired to study or read, I was too lazy to exercise and had a glass of wine instead.  All daily challenges.

And, these challenges never end.  As long as we continue to breathe and exist, there will be a challenge.  The question is whether overcoming the challenge would really be a victory or win. 

Human Revolution is looking at the things that are causing you unhappiness and are causing you to act in a way that is continuing the cycle.  Once you realize what those things are, you put out a determination to change and begin to take action to ensure you do not continue the cycle.  It is when you stop the pattern, you have a win.  However, while you are doing your work to identify the patterns and deal with the day to day challenges, the key is to not give up.

To give up would be to admit defeat.  But to keep looking at your thoughts, your words and your actions is a victory in itself.  Every challenge we face, allows us to keep on the path of being a winner or to give in and admit failure.

What I love about this Nicherin Buddhist practice is the realization that everyday is my opportunity to not be defeated, and eventually I do win.........

Dancing Raindrops and Peaceful Practice

While I was chanting to the Gohonzon this morning, it was after a rain in the city.  The wind was blowing, the sun was trying to come out and drops of rain were falling from the tree that hangs over my patio.  I was struck by how symbolic those raindrops were for me.

At one point I was thinking how the drops are like reminders that sometimes you think the storm is over and then a breeze will bring out more rain.  It reminded me that in the midst of everything in life there is always going to be something that might happen that can cause me to think that the storm is going to continue forever.   Today I saw the drops as signs that there is a bit more work I need to do, or a bit more time I need to be patient, and that I need appreciate the way the each drop glistens when it hits the pavement.  What is happening around me in my life right now is happening for reasons.  Yes, there is rain and just when I think it is over some more drops fall out of the trees.  The opportunity I am being given to appreciate the rain and the sun at the same time is amazing.

My mind also drifted to how beautiful this Nicherin Buddhist practice is because I had the opportunity for some wisdom while chanting.  In the past I tried to meditate and be silent.  And while that brought me peace in the moment, I was not able to translate that peace to other times in my day and life. 

I also realized while chanting that the rain is a necessary part of sustaining the earth and life.  Without it the plants would wither and the lakes and puddles for animals would dry up.  While I am not always a nature girl, a life without green and flowers would be dull.  And that is for our lives too.  If everything was perfect at all times, how could I appreciate the perfection? Even though I am constantly striving and thinking I need to be perfect, if I allowed myself to have joy and wonder for the occasional rain drop that was going to fall with the wind, I may have more inner peace without judging myself.

When I am chanting to my Gohonzon, I may not have peace as each bit of wisdom comes forth from within, but I am at peace when I am done and that peace remains with me.  As the rain has been going on and off for the past hour or so, I am at peace knowing that it will not go on forever.  I am at peace knowing that what I am dealing with right now does not make me imperfect. I know I need to take action to redefine what perfect is.  But, I am at peace and very much in awe of how the raindrops are creating a bit of a 'dance' in the patio puddle and that I can be dancing inside too.  Continuing to have faith, to study and practice is the key to both the dance and the peace.

NamMyohoRengeKyo

Stress Leads to Finding Courage

As I was searching the SGI website for some wisdom and something that connected to me for today, I found an article about stress and the encouragement that my Buddhist practice could help me become a person that handles stress differently so that it doesn't take a complete toll on your emotions, your body and your mind.  The ultimate way to change how you deal with stress is to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and be so focused that you:

• Strengthen your commitment to kosen-rufu.
• Take control and envision your desired outcome.
• Confidently challenge the situation with determination.

As I am dealing with the issues that are causing me stress right now, I am feeling some of the effects on my body and my spirit.  But rather than give into all that negative energy, I am increasing my chanting and taking things one moment at a time.  I am working very hard to not project a distorted outcome and to not look outside myself for blame and fixes.  I am working to remember that everything that I am experiencing today is a result of causes I created in the past. 

This keeps me grounded that any challenge I face is a catalyst for my Human Revolution and that I have everything within me to come out victorious in the end.

Right now I don't exactly know what the end will be or what victory looks like, which is why I need to focus on the second bullet point of 'taking control and envisioning my desired outcome".  In some ways I see two potential outcomes, but if I look deep within my heart I really only desire one. 

So right now I need to find the courage to create the life I want, to speak for myself, to accept the effects of the causes I created and to know that in the end, my Buddhist practice will allow my  Buddha nature to shine through. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo 

Life Happens - Life is Created

Sometimes things happen and you want to spend lots of time trying to figure out why.  My first reaction is to look outside and see what caused it.  My second reaction is to look inside and find fault with something I have done.  And my third reaction is to throw it out to the universe and say 'what will be will be'.

As I reflect on this today after being told that I am not meeting expectations at work, I realize that this is an opportunity to put my Buddhist practice into work.  I need to change my reactions and responses. 

First of all, I realize this is my Karma.  I keep recreating the same situation over and over again in my career.  I get a boss I don't match with, I end up self destructing and then I run away.  While I have known that for sometime, I still need to ask what have I changed inside myself to stop this pattern.  For one, I am no longer quitting a job without a job.  I am chanting to change my attitude, my actions and have acceptance of my current leader.  I am trying to look at what causes I create when I interact with her and change those into positive ones.  I have stopped complaining about her to every one I know and I am trying to honor the Buddhahood within her.  So......that hasn't exactly been successful, but I cannot stop trying.  I think of Nicherin Daishonin's comparison to being on a journey and you get so tired you stop one mile before the ultimate destination and you miss what you set out to see.  I need to continue to change by karma by seeing the Buddha nature of my current and future leaders.

Secondly, I realize that we are connected to all things in the universe and that what we put out there as a cause will happen and how it happens may not be exactly as we imagined.  I have been saying for some time now that I have reached my time.  I no longer want to work, I no longer want to put forth my best, I just want to get by.  I also have been chanting and focusing on a way to be able to support and take care of my 91 year old mother, knowing that my sister who does quite a bit of care will be out of the picture for the next 3 months due to her having surgery.  So,  I can't quit my job as part of my human revolution and yet I have a sense of obligation and desire to be a kind and loving daughter so am not sure what to do.  It is possible that this performance issue will end up in a way that determines my next course of action?

Finally, I do not need to sit and be the victim and assume that I have no influence in the outcome.  I may not have the answers, but I can take action to be sure that I will be in the place that I need to be when it is complete.  I will try and change my performance and meet my leaders expectations.  At the same time I will look for another opportunity that will allow me to be closer to Mom and take care of her.  And while doing both of those things, I need to continue to chant and take responsibility for creating a life of absolute happiness.  It is not just 'tossing out the idea', it is looking within to see what that really looks like and then taking the steps to get there............

Writing my Story

Once upon a time there was a professional woman who thought that she had to do it all.  She needed to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect employee, the perfect colleague and the perfect company representative.  She got so busy being perfect for everyone and everything else that she forgot that there was another person who mattered in the mix. 

This story goes on for quite some time.  This woman would hurry home from work to make supper, do the dishes, put in a load of laundry, put the kids to bed and then fall asleep on the couch and her husband would throw a blanket on her and go off to bed.  This woman would offer to teach orientation, volunteer to speak at a local trade show, do her day job and then and get excited when asked to take on supporting the international group which required travel. 

Isn’t that the way the story is supposed to go?  You keep doing what you think you have to do and what would make you perfect in someone else’s eyes and then wonder what went wrong when the husband no longer covers you, the kids are off doing other things when you get home and work is saying you are not focused and lack direction. 

Lack direction?  You are so busy trying to follow everyone else’s direction that you haven’t got a clue what direction you are really heading.

I am the story…….and while I feel like I am finally creating a happy ending; I did not think it was possible 15 years ago.  My dream of being the perfect everything and failing at it almost did me in.  I wanted to run away to a deserted island and live in a hut with some books and escape from everything.  I wanted to drive my car into a cement wall and become someone who needed care from others.  I wanted to turn back the clock and finish high school, go far away to college, join the Peace Corps and put pressures of mom and sisters lives behind me.           

An end………the story could have an end.  But that is not the way life works and for that I am thankful.  Instead of escaping I started the process of finding out what perfect means to me.  And it was not easy nor am I at the end of the journey. 

For the past 15 years I have probably bought every self-help book published.  I have visited so many churches and temples, monuments and vortexes, healers and psychics that I could give advice to anyone that is searching.  "I did this and you could / should try this too". 

While I enjoyed every moment of the experience and think that the process has been invaluable, I cannot explain or perfect the time I was introduced to Nicherin Buddhism and how it has impacted my life.    Everything I explored, searched for, evaluated for meaning, and tried on for fit came together the minute I entered the Chicago SGI Cultural Center.   

I am finally looking at Regina and deciding what is important to me.  Perfection is no longer at the top of the list.  Recognizing my connection to the larger world has taken a priority.  I am connected to the larger universe and I make a difference.  Imperfections and all……….I matter and I am making a difference one child, one co-worker, one boss, one me at a time. 

Guidance, Wisdom and The Mystic Law

 I had a very challenging day today and have to admit that my Buddha nature was not evident.  Work was a mess, my work self esteem was at a low, my personal life seemed out of control and my ability to recognize the Buddha nature in others was definitely not there.

I ended up in a conference room after a meeting with my boss crying for 20 minutes and trying to get my self under control so I could go back to my desk. I was convinced that I needed to quit my job, admit that I am incompetent or try and create a business case on mistreatment.  

The mystic law works in wondrous ways as today was the day for my SGI District meeting.  I walked the 3+ miles from work to the SGI culture center and was running all the various scenarios through my head.  I was the victim.  I was on a mission to point out inferiority.  I was going to change the world and change my karma.  Lots of things running through my head and none of it making any sense.

Once I connected with my SGI family, I blurted out that I need some guidance as I had another situation with my leader and I had no idea how to direct my chanting.  Do I chant for a new job or do I chant to understand what is going on?  Do I chant to understand why my boss finds fault with me or do I chant to define what true happiness at work looks like?  All I knew was that chanting should be purposeful and I had no idea what my purpose was.

I knew I needed to do something meaningful to get some benefit, so I volunteered for a part at the next discussion meeting that I have avoided forever.  My motive was obvious to me and others as I admitted I needed to change my karma, and doing something that spreads Buddhism to others was a good way of doing so.  Therefore I am stepping up which will help me step up in the future too.

The guidance and ideas I had from my SGI family was incredible.  It was all valuable - but not prescriptive.  I could chant for the happiness of my leader. chant to have my Buddha nature connect with her Buddha nature, look at what was the trigger that was bringing out the negative insecurities in me, look at the old scripts that are being played and how I could address them. So many thoughts and so much more.

I came home tonight determined that I would change this karma, that I would define what my ideal life state would look like and that I would be victorious and my true Buddha nature would emerge in all aspects of my life. 

I will be victorious.  I will change my karma and I will share my Buddhahood with others. 

I AM a winner

I have passed my 5 year Buddhist Birthday.........and it is hard to believe that I have been chanting and polishing my personal mirror in front of the Gohonzon for that long. 

In the past I have been a  "wonder 3" girl.  I can do anything for 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months and when it becomes hard or I don't see results, I give up.  That has applied to dieting, exercise, readings, memory exercises, etc.  If it sounds good I will try it and then eventually I settle for status quo and pretend that whatever I was focused on was a blip in time.

For some people (and I know people who have been practicing Nicherin Buddhism for over 40 years), 5 years is still a newbee.  And many days I feel that myself.  I don't know all there is to know about this practice, I am not always confident I am doing things correctly.  I sometimes question my determinations and "asks".  But, I have never questioned if this practice is right for me.

The minute I entered the SGI center in Chicago in July of 2010 I knew I was home.  I had no idea what that meant, but it felt so right.  That was on a Saturday and the next Tuesday I received my own Gohonzon.  It has been a constant in my life ever since.  Sure I have missed days of chanting.  Sure I have hurried through Gonyo to get to the next thing on my agenda. Yes,  I have taken the low road and not the high road in situations.  My Buddha nature was well hidden and the devilish functions had their way. But the acceptance that I have the ability to change me has never left me.

Today, as I reflect again on how far I have come in the past 5 years, I opened the "Faith in Action" book with the wisdom of our SGI President Daisaku Ikeda and this is the passage that I had underlined a while back in my studies.  "The functions of both the devil and the Buddha exist within our lives.  Ultimately our battle is with ourselves.  Essentially everything boils down to a struggle between positive and negative forces." 

The struggle continues for me - even after 5 years.  But the wisdom and courage to be the winner also exits with me.  I can see the progress I have made in fighting those devilish functions.  And with each victory, I can feel the joy and energy that comes to declare, "I am a winner".  I will continue to bring out my Buddha nature and recognize that same nature in others.  I continue to fight to bring this joy and happiness to others. 

Joyfulness and happiness of  others will eventually lead to World Peace - Kosen Rufu.  What a world it would be if we all were advancing happily as winners over ourselves and connecting with the positive forces. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

Living creates your life

For many people the notion of living creates your life makes complete sense and is almost like saying water is wet.  I'm not one of those who just happened to understand easily.

For most of my life I wanted to have a life but thought there were things going on that I did not understand. There was more to it than just me. There was a fairy godmother behind the scenes waving her wand. There was a score keeper putting checks in the boxes. There was a gargoyle sitting up high watching all that was going on and giving the eye to things. There was a god interjecting his master plan. Whatever was going on was outside of me and I had to make the best of it.

My Buddhist practice has taught me and shown me that I am creating my life now and in the future. It is not something outside of me; it is me. Through my thoughts words and actions I create my present life and I can make it a positive experience, a negative one or one that just slips in. It is my choice and mine alone.

Once I understood that I was able to see how my past and recent thoughts and actions are being played out in my life. In Buddhism it is a case of cause and effect. Create a cause intentionally or not, you experience the effect. My words, thoughts and actions are creating my life.

The interconnection of every thing is not by the hands of the the fairy godmother, the score keeper, the gargoyle or the god but by my recognition and acceptance that we are the mystic law and the mystic law is us. No separateness.  This is a fundamental concept of Buddhism that brings me back to the beginning and the end.

Living is creating my life and by owning my day to day living I am creating a good future day to day living too. 

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. 

Fit bit = Buddhism Winning

I attended my district meeting tonight and was so inspired and encouraged.  We talked a lot about winning - what that really means if you are a Buddhist and how it is about never giving up, despite the obstacles that come your way. 

Understanding different Buddhist concepts intellectually is typically not a problem for me.  I get it, I can relate to it and I am "all in" at the moment.  However, going home and getting back into daily life is where I often struggle.  I get the part of not giving up and I get that it won't be easy, but then something comes along and I have to fight my fundamental darkness that takes me to the victim place, that looks at everyone and everything else as the source of my problems and wants to stay there rather than move on.  Moving on is the important part.  It is called human revolution when we can look at ourselves and see what we are doing to create the situation or know that we have an opportunity to overcome our karma created in the past by how we handle today. 

All this brings me to my fit bit that I have been wearing for the past few weeks.  It is such a feeling of satisfaction when it buzzes on my wrist when I have logged my 10K steps.  It feels so good to look at the dashboard and see how I have reached the goal on a consistent basis.  I like seeing the badges that I have received because of some milestone I have reached.  It all is there for me to see when I look at my the wristband or look at the application for the summary.        

When I think about it, my Buddhist practice allows me the same feelings of accomplishment.  I know the daily feeling of being "okay with the world" when I do morning and evening gonyo..  I record my 15 minutes of chanting in my daimoku book and can see the progress I am making towards the million challenge.  I look at the goals I set for the year and know that it is not the day to day that is important but the overall goal and I see the blessings that come into my life as a result and know those are the badges that are signifying my progress.

There are days that I am close to my goal on the fit bit that I just want to jump on the bus and not walk home.  There are days in my practice that I don't want to take the time to chant.  I guess that is part of my challenge to win in this life.  I know that every step I take adds to my daily fit bit goal and I know that everytime I say Nam Myoho Renge Kyo I am getting one step closer to winning in my Buddhist practice. 

While I struggle in my day to day to make the intellectual the reality of my life , there is no question that every step I take is bringing me closer to being a winner.  Some one who does NOT give up despite the challenges that come my way.   The important part of winning is knowing your goals, keeping track, celebrating success and then facing the challenges head on..........

Shining in my own light

As I sat here chanting this morning it became clear to me how much this practice has changed me over the past 5 years. And I struggled with the right word to use as it may not be so much as changed but helped me to allow the real Regina to show. And I am still learning to let her shine in with her own colors of brilliance not those defined by someone else.

I have had small victory after small victory while chanting and trying to share this practice with others. Today as I chanted, like everyday, for the wisdom, courage and determination to create a life of absolute happiness it occurred to me that I am doing exactly that. Every day it can look different but every day I know that i am connected to all things in the universe and that the life and day I have created is the life and I, Regina, have created.

I am shining. Some days like a diamond, some days like petals of lily, some days like rain drop on the patio floor......but, I am always shining. And I am so thankful for knowing that because of this Buddhist practice every day I in complete rhythm and control to let MY brilliance shine through.

Chanting Gets You through the Day

I spent more than 4 hours on the road today driving from Chicago to Michigan.   The traffic was unbelievable, the roadwork going on seemed unplanned and the multiple times that we were travelling at less than 10 miles an hour were too many too count. 

I found myself chanting as I drove and this kept me in a place where I was able to drive along and stay peaceful despite the things going on around me.  Of course there were those events that gave me a moment of angst - and then I could let it go.

I remember when I first started chanting over 5 years.  I had a daily commute to Bensenville that was well over an hour.  As I drove on 90/94 there would be those that would cut in front of you, those that would read the sign that said the lane was closed and still would go down that lane, those that would get in the fast lane and drive so slow that you wanted to nudge them forward.  I used to get so angry and let it affect my mood.  Once I started chanting I was able to separate myself from the drive and be able to realize that people behaved or drove because of what was going on in their heads and it did not need to be what was in mine.

My drive to Michigan today reminded me of the many days and hours that I spent chanting so that I could remain calm and at peace within myself.  I am amazed and blessed on how quickly I can go from getting frustrated and upset to recognizing that if I chant in this 'situation' I will be in a better rhythm with the universe and I will stop putting out the negative thoughts towards those around me and instead send out positive energy to the environment and it will connect with those who are seeking positivity and are in sync with it.

I am so thankful and appreciative of having been introduced to chanting and discovering how ultimately it is part of the Nicherin Buddhism practice.  Chanting is the one thing that does keep me sane and able to project a healthy view of myself and the world around me. 

Nam Myho Renge Kyo

Wisdom is subtle and obvious

I have been chanting for wisdom to know what I need to change in myself to be in harmony with the universe that would ultimately lead me to the happiness I seek for myself and others.  This morning when I looked outside at my patio, I noticed that the two flower boxes that I bought at the same time from the same place and have taken care of in the same way have bloomed and grown differently. 

Not sure why, but I made some wonderful connections to my personal life and situation.  I thought of my sisters who are so different from me but we have the same mother and the same father so share the same genes.  I thought of my own children who have the same genetic makeup and were loved with all the love available; who were instilled the same values and wishes for happiness and yet are so different and unique in their own way. 

What I came to realize was that while we tend to think that how we see things and intend things to be alike, that we have no control over some of the subtleties that really impact the outcomes.  Not everything is in our control and we need to appreciate that fact and the differences that arise from this are part of the intentions of the universe.

As I look at my flower boxes,  one has more flowers and color while the other has the variegated green plant being the predominant view.  Each looks great on its own. 

What wisdom came to me today was that I would not change me, my sisters or my children for anything.  We (all of us) have grown into human beings that are unique and special in our own right.  While I may have thought that someone would grow into this type of person or exhibit this type of quality I could not imagine anyone being someone other than who they are.  Even with the same genes and raised with the same values and expectations, we somehow become our own unique selves.  Some of us have flowers and some have variations of color.  How wonderful.

I am sure that I intrinsically have known this and even have appreciated this.  But looking out on my patio this morning I felt that I had a different understanding and appreciation on the person I have become and a realization that my children have blossomed, as they should and could, into unique individuals while being raised with similar love and values.

My determination is to celebrate our uniqueness and not question why we are so different.  

In Rhythm with the Universe

Sometimes things happen and there is really no explanation on why. You did not put energy towards it. You did not chant for it. But yet it happened. 

For me it was having my name drawn and winning a basket of Aveda products. I recently went to the store to buy something I do on a regular basis and saw there was a charitable event going on. You donate so much and you are entered into the drawing for a product give away. Much to my surprise I won and what was included in the "basket" of products was amazing. Hair and shampoo things I normally buy but also skin cleansing and lotion that I would have passed on. It was a windfall that I least expected. 

I am daily reminded that this pursuit of Vodka Happiness is a reality. Good things happen to me daily that show me how connected I am to the rhythm of the universe. My challenge and focus is to look for those connections and be grateful and appreciative that by chanting I am keeping myself in sync with what I need to grow and realize my inherent Buddha nature. 

My chanting tonight is in gratitude and for wisdom to recognize the times that I am in rhythm even if it isn't obvious to me. 

Buddhist Benefits

In this wonderful practice you receive conspicuous and inconspicuous benefits. Of course it is important that you do your part in exerting yourself in faith, practice and study and also take action to move yourself further along in achieving your goals.

Those goals and determinations can be lofty or simple or a combination of both. Most recently I have been determined to have an active and happy life in Chicago that includes fun, friends and feelings of connection to people and places. I am also determined to have financial freedom to be able to have this active life and still plan for my future.

The past couple of days have brought me the conspicuous benefits of this practice. My couple of outings with friends were fantastic as we found deals on dining and wine. I was able to have a friend visit and prepare a dinner and wine with things I had in the place. We had the fun and I felt connected.  A benefit that occurred that I was not expecting was winning a basket of products from a raffle at the Aveda store which is a financial gain that I can use in my next activity vs buying products I use daily.  I was invited to join a book club that provides me the activity and connections to like minded people.  These benefits were what I had chanted for and asked for and because they can be seen are the conspicuous type.

The inconspicuous benefits I received were those that helped me along in my determination to be a better person and overcoming my negative tendency to find fault with myself or/and doubt my ability to be important to others. Amazingly the two women I hung out with the past two days showed me and let me know that I have made a difference in their lives and that the Regina I am is a good Regina  to be. The inconspicuous benefit of self acceptance and unconditional friendship were so valuable to me.

I continue to chant for wisdom and guidance on where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do at this phase in my life but the wonderful experiences and benefits I am receiving are indicators that I am connected to the universe and I am bringing out my Buddha nature for myself and others.

Creating causes and experiencing the effect

One of the key concepts in Nicherin Buddhism is that our causes produce an effect.  Causes are created by our thoughts, words and actions.  And if we put our energy in making sure that our thoughts are positive, our words are encouraging and our actions are linked to a good outcome, we are connected to the energy of the universe that will lead to the Vodka Victory and Vodka Happiness that we are seeking in this existence. 
Today I focused on ensuring that my actions were driving to meeting the expectations of my current role in the workplace and keeping connections with people that I value an want to keep in my life.  At the end of my work day, I was feeling pleased with how things went.  I connected with a couple of friends that I have let the relationship take a back seat and am pleased that reaching out resulted in confirmation that we are connected. 
For me, the important thing is to realized that what I do, what I say and what I think will determine my happiness in the future as well as my happiness now.  That says to me - Regina, make sure you are thinking of the possibilities, not of the what ifs........

Learning from other Buddhist Women

Yesterday I attended a Women's Division meeting for those who live in the Downtown Chicago chapter.  It was amazing to see such a diverse group in so many ways.  Age, skin color, wardrobe style, orientation, economics, primary role, shoe color, ethnicity, jewelry and all the other things that make us individuals.  We all brought our unique "Buddha seeking selves' to the meeting.

Typically I am not one to get excited about attending an organized event.  I think it has to do with all of the things you are 'required' to attend when you were in school clubs, work teams, church groups and such.  I think that for me, it is the expectation of being part of the group is the thing I fight.  I do not want to have to meet one more obligation that I do not want to keep. 

The hard part about this is that as members of the SGI family, we gain so much when we do participate in activities.  So while I hate the obligatory feeling, I always leave a meeting having learned something about myself or others that helps me become the kind of person who can find ultimate happiness.

Yesterday was no different for me.  I listened to five women share their experiences in how they had to face things that were difficult in their lives, but with courage and determination and continuing to chant, they overcame those challenges and were better for them in the end.  This is the true aspect of this practice.  There is always a victory that can occur.

In a small group discussion after listening to experiences, I was able to share with others and hear their thoughts on what are some of the things we face that might keep us from finding true happiness within ourselves.  It was amazing that as we took turns reading what potential mindsets and attitudes were, we all had to read the one that we were struggling with in the moment.  How mystic is this universe that we get the message we need in the moment of need. 

The 5 things that can keep us looking inside ourselves and are:  Evading responsibility and blaming others or the environment, Escapism or not meeting challenges, Doubt and despair that leads to grumbling and complaining, Jealousy and resentment and Fear or Lack of courage.

When I think and ponder on all five of them, I can identify times in my life that each one of them took on a life of its own and it left me powerless and unhappy.  With this practice of Nicherin Buddhism, I know that it is my mission to fight those negative tendencies once and for all and put them behind me. 

It is when those tendencies have been replaced by the resolve that no matter what is happening, who I am with, or what thoughts want to sneak out of my unconscious - I am capable of bringing out my Buddha nature that is made up of courage, wisdom, compassion and job and therefore I can bring happiness to myself and those around me.

With the examples of the strong and wonderful women I have met along my journey, I can hold that truth and see it in action. 

Peace and Purpose lead to Vodka Victory and Vodka Happiness

As I sit in my present space and think about where I have been and where I am going, I realize that at the bottom of everything, my Buddhist practice has helped me take responsibility for where I am now and where I want to go.  Prior to this, I always wondered why this or that was happening to me, why some higher power was punishing or rewarding me, or why life was happening around me and I was affected by it.  Now I realize that I have created causes in my past and present life that will have an effect in this and my future life. 
So what does that really mean for me?  It means that I need to take responsibility to create my current and future happiness.
When I first joined the SGI and started chanting, I could not remember the "ultimate" goal or focus.  I knew I was chanting for my happiness and the happiness of others.  I knew I was chanting to overcome my own personal negativity and find happiness in my current state.  In all my studies, conversations with fellow SGI members and reading guidance from President Ikeda, the word "Ultimate" kept coming up, but for some reason it kept escaping me.  Finally I was able to make a personal connection that Absolute was a type of Vodka (which I personally knew) and since then I have been striving for a Vodka Victory and Vodka Happiness.  Victory over my current and past karma and Happiness in my current and future life. 
As I continue to live my Vodka Victory and create my Vodka Happiness, I am committed to sharing with others the journey in hopes that they too can find the peace and purpose of life that I have found.